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Pull calves out of cows and bike home drunk in...Farmer's Life – Farming Simulator?

by: Randy -
More On: Farmer's Life – Farming Simulator

Yes, it's called Farmer's Life – Farming Simulator. I know there have been a lot of incredibly boring titles coming out of the West with those exact words, in various configurations, in the title. But this an Eastern European famer's life, which means, in my slightly unfair estimation, that it will be kind of janky but in really, really entertaining ways.

So, it opens with you chopping wood. Great. Nothing crazy. I do it all the time in Skyrim. I don't get to do it in a wife beater and an ushanka hat, though. And listen to that slightly menacing soundtrack. Is this a horror movie in the making? I bet it is, just not in the way we're all thinking. 

But please don't leave yet because you see that cow you're milking? We're only about 20 seconds into this trailer before you're pulling a calf all the way out of that slightly spread-eagled momma cow. Then, in a slightly Edgar Allen Poe-ish scene, you're told to "mind the seasons" as you spread seeds in the field, even though you've got about four-and-twenty black birds cawing and eating up all your hard work.

Then, as a reward for your labors, you're catching a beer bottle over the head at the local pub. I mean, this game can't be serious! But I'm so happy that it is, indeed, serious! How do you wrap up an amazing trailer like this? By trying to ride your bicycle back home, bottle of vodka still in hand, wiping out in the ditch that runs alongside the lovely country lane, and belching into the credits. Man, Farmer's Life – Farming Simulator keeps getting better every time I watch this trailer. I don't know what y'all are doing, but I'm getting my Soviet Bloc on with this one.

Farmer's Life – Farming Simulator, the most unassuming game title ever for how low-key wild this game gets, has "Wishlist now - discount at launch" for a release date because Steam let's you put whatever you want there, apparently.