For seasoned Destiny players, we all know about the Dawning. It’s the annual end of year holiday celebration in the world of guardians. The locus is the Tower, where every year Eva (the annoying granny) shows up with bounties for us to complete.
She also brings with her the most horrifying aspect of Destiny, in my opinion. Destiny 2’s Dawning event introduced the idea of Eva’s Holiday Oven. This is an oven in which players bake cookies in order to give to various NPCs throughout Destiny’s world. The cookies are tailored to each NPC, with cute names like Gjalardoodles and Chocoloate Ship Cookies. Not so bad, right?
Not so fast.
The true horror comes in the ingredients we use to bake these goods that we feed to what are supposed to be our friends. Just take a look at the pictures below.
That’s right, your eyes aren’t deceiving you. We kill our enemies, harvest bits of them, and then bake it up into alleged treats. Vex Milk… isn’t that deadly radiolarian fluid that the lore says will transform you into vex?
Chitin powder is clearly from the exoskeleton of the Hive. Yuck.
Cabal oil? The stuff those space rhinos are swimming in inside their suits? Bleurgh.
Taken Butter? No. I don’t even want to think about it.
This is truly horrifying. None of these ingredients actually sound good. In fact, it makes me think of my childhood, when we used to mix whatever we could find in the garden or in the bathroom or under the kitchen sink. We never ate it, because we weren’t suicidal (and because George’s Marvelous Medicine is pure fiction).
What I’m really wondering is: who signed off on this at Bungie, and are they beyond help?