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No Man's Sky captain's log 0.1: Welcome to planet Tentacoo

by: Randy -
More On: No Man's Sky

Earth time 9:01 p.m. Pacific, Monday, August 8, 2016.

Smooth login to No Man's Sky. Loading screen is endless field of stars. Star names pop up in periphery. Unfocused blobs of color soar by: red, yellow, blue. Black.

>I’m in.
>Camera pans.
>Planet the color of rusty mud puddle.
>Trees look like giant green eggs and ham.
>Tentacle plants common.
>Name planet “Tentacoo.”
>Better than its Asdfghjkl original name.
>Earn space bucks for naming planet.
>Run around damaged ship.
>Don’t know what to do.
>Run around damaged ship again.
>Don’t know what to do.
>Daytime temperature 11.6 Celsius.
>Am American. Google “11.6 celsius to fahrenheit.”
>And 2.1 "TOX." Don't know what "TOX" means.
>Radiation protection in suit drops slowly.
>Figured out what "TOX" means.
>Life support in suit drops slowly.
>Patience with own incompetence drops quickly.
>Start search pattern of growing concentric circles.
>Mining for materials to repair ship components.
>Upset floaty eyeball sentinel.
>Mining laser to its face.
>Learn Gek word for “Gek.” Universal language learning begins.
>Wonder if No Man's Sky is 21st century reverse telling of Bible's Tower of Babel.
>Exploring. Day and night passes. Maybe two.
>Radiation critical. Life support critical.
>Jetpack across canyon back to ship. Too far. Don’t make it.
>Fall to my near death—into cave opening that returns radiation protection to safe levels.
>Still alive.
>Lost in massive caverns.
>Attack of the tentacle plant.
>Mining laser to its face.
>Emerge from caverns a mile down and a mile away from ship.
>Start climbing. Admire own climbing skills. Strong climber. Like Skyrim horse.
>Make it back to ship.
>Refuse to collect bonus ship from pre-order until learn how to fix generic ship.
>Fix generic ship.
>Launch ship. Fly away from planet.
>Look back once. Looks worse from space.
>Head for space station.
>Run into asteroid.
>Still alive.
>Land on space station.
>Only place is landing strip and trade office.
>Bipedal rhino behind desk buys jewelry for big space bucks.
>Experienced all four pillars of No Man’s Sky gameplay:
>Learned a lot. Am old. Past bedtime. Shut down.