posted 4/22/2009 by Sean Nack
other articles by Sean Nack
One Page Platforms: 360
The script is easily the worst thing I’ve ever heard or read in any medium, ever. It consists of childish, immature, embarrassing insult comedy. Here are a few examples, edited for the kiddies:

Villain: You fight well, Wesley Gibson!
Wesley: Runs in the family, s**t-pants!
V: So does death!

V: You’re an itch on my balls Wesley!

W: Surrender now and I’ll pretend to respect you when we f**k later!

Really? The comic struck a tone of rebelliousness and criticism of the medium (as well as American complacency) through, admittedly, sex and violence, and the movie took the same stance on the modern American male and cubicle culture through a similar blend of violence and trash-talk, but the game goes out of it’s way to make Wesley such a crass, non-chalant badass that it ends up being repulsive and just stupid. It doesn’t even make sense in context! Captain Scratchy up there is just meeting Wesley for the first time, and all of a sudden Wesley is an “itch on his balls”? S**t-pants? Are we 12? If I were grading this game on dialogue and story alone, it would get an F.

Fortunately, it has some redeeming qualities. The graphics aren’t terrible, and are even pretty close approximations of the actors, but they ultimately aren’t anything exceptional. The audio just consists of gunshots, and music that, in all honesty, I only noticed it in the final stage, and while I admit that I’m pretty deaf I also have the game turned up pretty loud. What does somewhat help, if not save, the game is that it is a little fun. The bullet-curving is well-executed and feels good to pull off, and that combined with the complete inability of the AI to hit you from 3 feet away does make you feel pretty powerful at times. The cover system is intuitive and very rarely fails you. I think the game would’ve benefited from a time-trial mode; if you’re already making it pretty easy, why not try and beat the clock too? Maybe gamers could grab a stop-watch, and time themselves? Though I don’t think it’s the best comment on a game when making up your own way to play through it is the most fun aspect. As easy as it is, Wanted is also amazingly short: I beat it in under 5 hours.

Wanted sadly continues the movie-tie-in trend of terrible games. The dialogue’s terrible, the AI is infantile, the graphics are passable, and the gameplay is innovative for the first ten minutes you receive new abilities, until you use them about a thousand times each. I just don’t see what there is to want in Wanted.

Wanted’s repetitive gameplay, awful dialogue, and plain-jane graphics provide an underwhelming experience that doesn’t make a case for being wanted by anyone.

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