The Straight Scoop Vol. 1 No. 7

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posted 10/21/2002 by Michael Askounes
other articles by Michael Askounes
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Wednesday, October 16

Atari (now new and improved with lemon-fresh French owners) announced the release of Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee for the Nintendo Gamecube. The title features tons of licensed monsters such as Mothra, Megalon, Destoroyah, Rosie O’Donnell-alon, and of course Godzilla himself. When asked for comment, Atari’s Head of Janitorial Services replied, “You dishonor our clan with your evil Straight Scoop!” What was disturbing is that his lip movement didn’t quite sync up correctly with the words coming out of his mouth…


EA Sports shipped NASCAR 2003… oh-oh, hold on… here comes my boss. I have to ALT-Tab back into Excel for a minute…

OK – sorry about that. Where was I…


Oh yeah! EA Sports today shipped NASCAR 2003 Thunder for the PC, a title that is sure to appeal to the racing fan as well as the casual gamer. Keeping with its “if it’s in the game, it’s in the game” slogan, NASCAR 2003 features mini-games which include beating up other drivers, dodging flying car parts, and seeing how many times you can mention you car’s sponsor during post-race interviews. The much anticipated “Beat that little pansy Jeff Gordon to within an inch of his life” mini-game wasn’t included due to a last minute discovery that I made the whole thing up. Maybe next year!

Thursday, October 17

World’s Greatest Coasters – the new PC title from multinational oppressive postmodern conglomerate GlobalStar Software – has gone gold, and should appear in Walmarts near you in early November. While my hopes are high for this title, I hope they decide to include upscale wooden drink coasters, as well as the cardboard “classic pub-style” beer coasters. Any “coaster sim” worth its salt should also keep in mind that fans of the genre have come to expect oddly-shaped corporate-branded coffee mug coasters, in addition to custom crocheted “cozy coasters.” And if I see one more title ship without support for player-created mods and drink holders, I’ll stop supporting the industry! It’s a travesty!!!

Oh… the games about roller coasters? Never mind…


Prick up your “Spock ears,” Trekkies! Activision has released the Star Trek Action Pack, which will retail for $30 and includes Star Trek: Elite Force and its expansion, Star Trek: Armada, and Star Trek: Armada II. This comes as a bit of a surprise as Activision was originally rumored (by the aliens that live in my basement) to be releasing a compilation called the Star Trek: Good Games Collection. However, when it was realized that this would only include Elite Force, plans were changed.


BAM! Entertainment announced that a game based on the Reign of Fire movie license would be shipping for [yawn…] XBox and Gamecube. The game will feature [stretch…] some dragons… and some good guys… [yawn… stretch…] and probably some other stuff… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [drool…]
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