Straight Scoop Vol.1 No. 9


posted 11/4/2002 by Michael Askounes
other articles by Michael Askounes
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Monday, October 28

Microsoft has teamed up with the “king of beers” Budweiser to market its X-Box console. Under the deal, Budweiser will help the Microsoft rotate 300 X-Box units through thousands of bars in the United States. “Guess they’re marketing to the ‘so drunk they’d buy an X-Box’ crowd,” said Gern Blensten – my Ethiopian houseboy – “beats going home with the fat chick, I suppose.”

It looks like Nintendo is in a bit of hot water with the European Union, as the political body has fined the console giant $160 million for unfair sales practices dating back to the mid-90’s. It seems that Nintendo purposefully stemmed the flow of games during this time in order to artificially inflate wholesale prices of its products. Nintendo’s lawyers have responded by collecting coins, jumping on turtles, and eating mushrooms. [insert canned laughter]

Tuesday, October 29

Microsoft and Ensemble Studios today released a whopping 350MB demo of its much-anticipated upcoming game Age of Mythology. The trial version allows gamers to play through five scenarios and test their strategy across two random maps using the Zeus civilization. I’ve played through a late beta of Age of Mythology, and I can tell you with much confidence that if you liked Age of Empires II, you’ll like AoM. I can’t say anything further than that, as Microsoft’s Bill Gates has subcontracted out-of-work deity Zeus to make sure that no journalist passes judgment on an unfinished version of the game.

Infogrames announced the release of the add-on pack Civilization III: Play the World – an expansion that will allow gamers to play Civilization III against other humans across the Internet. In addition to multiplayer capabilities, Civ III: PtW will also includes single player enhancements such as new scenarios, new civilization, and interface enhancements. Better start researching those “Jolt Cola” and “Depends Adult Diaper” technologies!

Wednesday, October 30

The final roster for the upcoming PS2 title WWE Smackdown! Shut Your Mouth has been announced by THQ, and rasslin’ fans will be happy to hear that it includes old WCW and ECW stars as well as long time WWE wrestlers. Chris Jericho, Booker T, Kurt Angle, and Rob Van Dam are among the 60 grapplers you’ll be able to choose from in the game. No word on whether “’roid rage” will factor into the onscreen game play – we’ll have to wait at see.

Australian’s hot ‘n’ sassy Environment Minister Sheryll Garbutt has issued a country-wide plea for her countrymen and women to start taking showers together! This statement comes about due to a severe drought that has ravaged the “Land Down Under.” “It’s a very popular idea around my office for people to be showering with a friend,” says Ms. Garbutt.

In unrelated news, I’m moving to Australia and applying for a job at the Department of the Environment.
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