Minority Report Everybody Runs (PS2)

Review

posted 12/21/2002 by Charlie Sinhaseni
other articles by Charlie Sinhaseni
One Page Platforms: PS2
I can’t help but feel like the designers cut off a very crucial part of the game’s title. Minority Report: Everybody Runs feels like a shortened version of Minority Report: Everybody Runs as Far Away From This Stinkfest As Possible, obviously the title wouldn’t fit on the comparatively tiny PS2 DVD-sized cases but you get the idea.

As the namesake implies, the game’s source material stems from the Spielberg directed summer blockbuster of the same name, and while the game utilizes some of the same elements, it’s an entirely different tale that makes poor use of an excellent license.

Forget Tom Cruise because with the exception of the name, the protagonists bear absolutely no resemblance to each other. Instead of the brown-haired Cruise you’re cast as a white-haired quasi-cool, Solid Snake-ish character. As (insert random hero name here) you’ll be framed for a murder that you have yet to commit and thus the game’s plot is set into motion, you’re a marked man and yes, you’ll be on the run. All right, not too bad so far but just wait until you get into the game.

Honestly, I haven’t seen gameplay this archaic since I checked out Rockstar’s borefest, State of Emergency but while SOE actually had a decent idea and premise, MR has neither. Here’s the basic gist of the gameplay, beat up all the baddies in a room, wait for door to become unlocked, move into next room, lather, rinse and repeat. It’s a very simplistic formula that has existed since the Atari 2600 days. Who knows, maybe our society will go through a period of retrogression in the future and will resort to utilizing archaic technology to impress the desensitized masses.

Your enemies consists of a bunch of look alike guards and robots. Since they are mainly PreCrime officers I don’t mind that they all look the same but you’d expect that with their chosen profession that they’d be some highly trained killers right? Then feel free to tell me what type of trained professional would succumb to a simple slide maneuver. That’s right folks, they’ve got guns, fists of steel and feets of fury but it’s no match for your move to end all moves, the devastating SLIDE OF DOOM!

What’s even more puzzling is the sheer number of levels that can be accomplished in mere minutes. In times where you’re not actually forced to fight the enemies you can just simply run right past them en route to the exit. Wow, taking the theme of the game a little too far aren’t we? When you are forced to fight it’s because of some magical lock that has been placed on a door or your entry into a small and confined corridor. Lo and behold the magic of artificial barriers.
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