If the real world were like an FPS game


posted 10/31/2005 by John Yan
other articles by John Yan
One Page Platforms:
  • All unlocked doors are made to be opened automatically as they are all equipped with motion sensors and motors.
  • Elevators only go between two floors.

I should just take the stairs.
  • You can run full speed and pick up weapons without having to bend down to grab them. Even if said weapon is a massive rocket launcher that would encumber even the strongest men out there, you won’t miss a beat when picking it up.
  • Firing a high powered rocket that can turn enemies into mush at your feet to get over obstacles or reach a high platform is a rational idea.

You want me to aim this where?!
  • You’ll have the knowledge on how to use any alien weapon that you pick up no matter how complicated it looks.
  • If you take out an enemy with a gun and his friends are more than 30 feet away, they’ll never come investigate the loud sound or screaming noise as he dies.
  • Enemies have nothing better to do than wait in a closet or crawl space for someone to come by.

Coming out of the closet.
  • Once a swarm of enemies kills you, they all like to stop dead in their tracks and just stare out into space.
  • You’ll always arrive a second or two too late to save someone from being dragged away or be eaten by a monster but you’ll always witness the results of the carnage.
  • Lights like to turn off one by one in corridors before monsters come leaping out at you. They are probably standing at a batch of ten switches and turning them off before they come at you.

Your view just before the lights go out and the guys jump out of the doorways.
  • Duct tape doesn’t exist on Mars.

How about needing to attach a flashlight to your gun?

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