We may have spared you the milieu of April Fool's jokes coursing through the internet today, but we'll succumb to just one -- if for no other reason than the fact that Chuck has been yelling "First!" on The Witcher
ever since he claims
to have seen it in some dank, shadow-ridden basement in an E3 of yore. CD Projekt RED claims that they're working on a mobile game with the redundant subtitle of The Witcher: Mysterious Secrets
. As a kicker, Adam Kicinski, 'the guy who runs CD Projekt RED,' makes the audacious claim that "It has better graphics, better combat, a better story and more boobs than the PC version." Here's the developer diary:
(And even though I'm jabbing Chuck in the ribs with this headline, I'm beginning to wonder if the joke isn't on me
with that 'Splosion Man
The Witcher: Mysterious Secrets Announced
CD Projekt RED to Revolutionize Handheld Gaming with Revolutionary Game for Handhelds
Warsaw, Poland – April 1, 2009. Today CD Projekt RED, the world’s leading developer of games with “The Witcher” in their title, announced its first internally-developed foray into handheld gaming, The Witcher: Mysterious Secrets. The game is in development for all current-gen, next-gen and gen-after-next-gen handheld systems and is scheduled for release between Tuesday and Friday 2010.
A jaw-dropping revolution in handheld gaming, The Witcher: Mysterious Secrets features a massive list of revolutionary features that will completely revolutionize, then de-evolutionize, then evolutionize and then once more revolutionize the industry. Among the revolutionary features are two cooperative multiplayer modes never before seen on handheld systems: play together with your friend on one system as you harness Geralt’s awesome Powers of Movement on the D-pad while your friend uses the awesome Powers of Doing on the A and B buttons; or connect with a limitless number of players as you play for a bit, then pass the handheld to your friend and watch them play for a while, and then finally take it back to play some more yourself!
The awe-inspiring graphics created using half of the game engine’s available 32 colours help to immerse players in the awe-inspiring story of Geralt of Rivia as he fights to save the world from an unknown evil. Set in a completely open world that allows for movement in both left and right directions for an infinite amount of time, The Witcher: Mysterious Secrets also includes some features usually found in today’s best console games, like the Decisions and Inconsequence system that ensures that no decision you make will have an impact on the outcome of the game. That’s right – no more worrying about making bad decisions. We’ll also have DLC at astronomical prices, including the upcoming “The Witcher: Go Up and Down” pack. Yeah, DLC on a handheld. You wanna fight about it?
“The Witcher: Mysterious Secrets is really awesome,” said Adam Kicinski, the guy who runs CD Projekt RED. “Like… really awesome. It has better graphics, better combat, a better story and more boobs than the PC version. Awesome, right?”
Box art, the full features list, a developer interview and the game’s intro video are now available at http://secrets.thewitcher.com.
About CD Projekt
Founded in 1994, CD Projekt is one of Eastern and Central Europe's largest game distributors, with offices in Warsaw, Prague and Budapest, and employs more than 250 people across its diverse businesses. The company has used innovative marketing and distribution practices to invigorate the Polish games market and to position itself as a leader in the localisation and publishing of world-class games, having brought such hits as the Neverwinter Nights, Diablo and Warcraft series to the region with great success. CD Projekt Group includes the publishing and distribution companies in Poland, Czech, Slovakia and Hungary; the dedicated Localisation Centre, which is the leading provider of cross-platform porting, quality assurance and localisation services in the region; CD Projekt RED, the development branch responsible for the hit role-playing franchise, The Witcher; Metropolis Software, currently developing a anticipated multiplatform sci-fi shooter; and GOG.com, the ultimate online destination for DRM-free classic PC games. More information about CD Projekt can be found online at www.cdprojekt.com.
About CD Projekt RED
CD Projekt RED is the development branch of CD Projekt, headquartered in Warsaw, Poland. The studio’s first release, the PC-exclusive role-playing game, The Witcher®, has won over critics and gamers with its refreshing blend of engrossing story and action-based combat. The game has sold more than one million copies worldwide and has garnered more than 100 awards since its release in October 2007, including PC RPG of the Year from such respected outlets as PC Gamer, GameSpy, IGN and GameStar. CD Projekt RED’s 80+ employees recently completed The Witcher: Enhanced Edition in September 2008, and are hard at work on the console remake, The Witcher: Rise of the White Wolf, as well as two unannounced projects. For more information about CD Projekt RED, visit http://www.thewitcher.com.